All change please for Gallifrey
by goddypotty
Summary: My first attempt at a fanfic. The day of the Doctor is over and a big change is on it's way. Featuring a new regeneration of the Doctor to the female gender. Who better to help him/her adjust than the paternoster gang? Rated M for possible future content although chapter 1 contains nothing more than innuendo.
1. Chapter 1

"This is all highly irregular. Under the terms of the shadow proclamation interaction with lifeforms at this stage of development is..."

"I am well aware of the terms of the shadow proclamation. The Silurians were one of the original signatories." Madame Vastra interrupted. "And as this is our home planet too, extradition of the prisoner is permissible within the terms of the proclamation."

"The Silurians are no longer planet Earth's dominant intelligent species." The Judoon commander protested.

"The Silurians are no longer the planet Earth's most numerous intelligent species." Madame Vastra corrected. "I can assure you that I am certainly still dominant."

The Silurian exchanged a glance with Jenny Flint, her companion. Jenny, the only human present at this meeting cast her eyes downward with her cheeks growing crimson and rubbed the seat of her ankle length black maids dress but made no comment. The Judoon officer scowled and drew a datatube from the pouch at his hip. Plugging the tube into the receiver set in the chest of his combat armour he reviewed the terms of the proclamation, his thick lips moving as as he followed the more convoluted passages searching for a flaw in Vastra's reasoning. At length he grunted and removed the tube.

"Agreed. We will take custody of the prisoner and return him to Raxacoricofallapatorius to answer for his crimes " He growled with bad grace. "The bounty will be paid into the standard galactic account following due process."

"Excellent. Strax, the prisoner if you please." Vastra commanded.

"Forward alien scum or be obliterated where you stand." Strax barked.

From the back of the room Strax, a former commander of the Sontaran empire, urged the prisoner forward with a shove in the back with the butt of his phase rifle. The prisoner, a Slitheen, lurched forward with his wrists encased in hitech handcuffs with flashing blue lights. Strax paused the Slitheen beside Madame Vastra, who entered the release code into the manacles and removed them from the Slitheen. The two Judoon troopers who were waiting silently behind their senior officer stepped forward and seized the Slitheen roughly by his upper arms before all three stepped back into position behind the commander.

"I believe that concludes our business and I am certain the inhabitants of Bognor Regis will sleep more soundly in their beds with this one safely removed." Vastra said to the Judoon officer. "You are of course welcome to stay for tea. I have some rather nice earl grey just off the clipper from India and I am sure Strax could prepare a small buffet from the kitchen. He is rather proud of his baking you know and his French fancies are particularly well received."

The Judoon commander snorted and raised his wrist and roughly stabbed at the controls to the transmat on his bracer. The Judoon and their prisoner shimmered and vanished, leaving only a tang of ozone lingering in the Victorian drawing room.

"How rude." Madame Vastra commented with a sniff. "Well, that is policemen the universe over I suppose."

"That was our last open case Ma'am." Jenny commented. "Should I purchase a selection of the newspapers, there's usually a story or two that might hint at unworldly interference?"

"No rush my love." Vastra replied, toying with the restraints in her hand. "I think we have all earned a short rest and I am sure we can think of some other activity to fill our time for a couple of days at least."

Vastra turned to Jenny and raised her fingers to the young human's cheek to brush a wayward lock of the girl's raven hair aside before stroking the soft blushing skin to emphasise her meaning. Jenny giggled, her eyes bright with anticipation.

"Will you be needing my assistance with this activity?" Strax queried, clearly puzzled by the interaction between the two females. "If so what level of weaponry would be appropriate?"

"Your assistance will most certainly not be required Strax." Vastra said with finality, provoking another fit of giggles from Jenny.

"Ahh good." Strax replied. "My lunar surveillance operation has been interrupted over the last few days. I should resume immediately in case there has been any sign that those damned moonites are preparing to strike."

"Splendid Strax, be sure to tell us how that turns out...in a day or two." Madame Vastra commented with an indulgent smile.

Taking Jenny by the hand the Silurian began to lead her companion towards the door that led to the stairs, but after only a few steps was halted in her tracks by an insistent beeping that emanated from a chest of drawers nearby. Three sets of eyes locked immediately on the source of the noise and a palpable excitement instantly filled the drawing room.

"It's him!" Jenny exclaimed in an awed voice.

Madame Vastra crossed to the drawer and opened it quickly and withdrew a temporal communicator which she set on the furniture surface before answering the call.

"Madame Vastra here, is that you Doctor?" The Silurian enquired.

"Hello,hello. Can you hear me?" The voice, while not the Doctor's was instantly recognisable to all the members of the paternoster gang.

"Clara? Yes my dear we can hear you." Vastra affirmed. "Is something wrong child, you sound distressed? Is the Doctor with you?"

"Well sort of." Clara's disembodied voice replied. "But he...it's kind of hard to explain...better if you see this for yourself. The Doctor said you could send a signal that the TARDIS could lock onto. We need your help."

"Of course Clara, initiating the beacon now." Vastra confirmed adjusting the communicator as she spoke. "You know how to lock on the TARDIS navigation?"

"Yes, the Doctor showed me how to do that. Locking the navigation to your signal now." Clara stated.

Almost at once a familiar wheezing and groaning filled the drawing room and in an empty space in a corner of the room a large blue boxlike shape began to materialise.


	2. Chapter 2

"So Gallifrey!" The Doctor declared loudly, clapping his hands and spinning around with boyish enthusiasm. "It's out there somewhere, all I have to do is find it."

"So where do we start looking?" Clara asked, following the Doctor into the TARDIS.

"I have absolutely no idea." The Doctor replied without losing a shred of his enthusiasm. "I mean a whole planet, where could you misplace that? It's not like it would slip behind the sofa cushions or be on the top shelf behind that breakfast cereal that you didn't really like and you should have thrown out ages ago as it's so far out of date the mold on it has grown sentience and has an active space program. That really happened by the way, out in the horse head nebulae."

"No it didn't" Clara contradicted with a smile.

"Well no it didn't." The Doctor admitted. "But it should have."

The Doctor capered around the TARDIS console, seemingly randomly pushing buttons and adjusting levers whilst Clara ambled slowly around the periphery her hand idly trailing on the safety rail surrounding the dais upon which the central console was set.

"So do you think we'll run into them again?" Clara asked, pausing in her circumnavigation to gaze at her Doctor.

"Run into who?" The Doctor asked distractedly as he spun some controls and peered into a viewer resembling an antique "what the butler saw" Machine.

"Those previous ...yous." Clara tilted her head as if pondering the fittingness of the term.

"Oh I don't expect so." The Doctor answered absently. "If I remember my timeline correctly I regenerated straight after the final day of the timewar, and in my other incarnation, let's see if I'd just married Bess that would mean I regenerated again very soon afterwards."

"Only to be expected really." The Doctor continued. "Three of me in one place at one time and fiddling about with a fixed point in time. Even a Timelord's body can't cope with that sort of paradox. Regeneration would be inevitable, you can't pull a ball of timey wimey string to pieces without creating loose ends and the universe hates those loose ends and will try to snap them back into place and tidy everything up."

Clara looked hard at the Doctor, quicker to see the obvious than he was in his preoccupation with the TARDIS controls.

"But wouldn't that mean..." Clara started to say.

"NOOOO," The Doctor wailed suddenly, cutting his companion's question off mid sentence. "Not now, you can't. I have so much to do. I'm not ready."

The Doctor stared at his hands, his expression horrified. Rushing across the control room he rummaged through a box and pulled a hand mirror out and studied his face intently pulling faces and pinching his skin.

"Do I look glowy at all?" He asked Clara desperately. "Shinier than usual?"

"Umm, Doctor. You're starting to scare me." Clara said seriously. "Even more than usual that is. What's going to happen?"

"I can't keep this body, it's on borrowed time already." The Doctor explained. "And just when I'd got it the way I liked it too, more or less."

"You're going to regenerate?" Clara asked. "When? Now, soon?"

"I can feel it coming already, it's all sort of tingly. Like rubbing a balloon on your jacket and making you hair stand on end. No forget that, nothing like the balloon thing at all, don't know why I said that." The Doctor babbled. "And I so wanted to be the me that brought Gallifrey back, it's not fair."

"Should I do something?" Clara asked with deep concern. "Boil some water, fetch towels?"

"Boil some water, fetch towels?" The Doctor spluttered, running up to Clara and staring intently at her. "I'm regenerating, not having a baby. Oh, oh yes, there's something you can do. This here."

The Doctor feverishly raced back to the TARDIS controls and flipped through what appeared to be a card index system. About halfway through he gave a shout of triumph and pointed at one card and gestured for Clara to come close.

"When the time comes call this number on this phone." The Doctor ordered. "It's old friends, Madame Vastra and her gang. She'll know what to do, she can activate a homing beacon."

The Doctor rushed halfway around the console, dragging Clara with him by the hand and indicated a set of controls.

"This is sort of an autopilot Clara." The Doctor explained. "Press this once Vastra tells you the beacon is on and then this button here when this little red light is flashing."

"But you'll still be here Doctor." Clara protested. "Won't you be able to do that?"

"Ah yes and no." The Doctor replied unhelpfully. "Tricky things regeneration, never know how hard it's going to hit you. I might be out for a while afterwards or I might be bouncing off the walls. If I start acting erratically, don't on any account let me near the controls."

Clara stared at the Doctor for some moments without speaking, wondering just how she would be able to determine erratic behavior from the Doctor's normal behavior. Though she had accepted that the Doctor could regenerate and seen the proof in their recent adventures the prospect of her Doctor changing filled her with dread. Eventually she simply nodded, knowing that whatever happened she was as ready as always to do whatever it took to keep the Doctor safe.

"It's starting." The Doctor said, fear and wonder plain in his voice.

The Doctor held up his hands in front of him, backing slowing away from his impossible girl. Clara stared in wonder as his hands began to glow and wisps of golden light emanated from his fingertips. She held her breath in awe as the glow spread and intensified, captivated by the magical beauty of the light that slowly suffused her friend. The light continued to intensify until some critical point was reached. Suddenly the Doctor stood bolt upright, his arms outstretched at his sides and his face upturned.

"GERONIMO!" The Doctor, her Doctor, screamed at the top of his lungs for one last time.

Light burst forth and poured from the Doctor's mouth and sprayed from his finger tips, engulfing his whole body. Clara stared transfixed, nothing she had seen in all her amazing time since the Doctor had stormed into her life had been this beautiful and breathtaking. She idly noted that although the light seemed to blaze that there was no heat unlike fire. The Doctor's features through the haze of light seemed to melt and grow liquid, his features changing then resetting into something, someone new. The light blazed for a second or two more before diminishing and sputtering out altogether.

Clara gawped at the finished transformation as the figure standing before her held the pose in which her Doctor had screamed for that final time. A wracking intake of breath and the rise and fall of the chest were evidence of life.

"Doctor?" Clara asked tentatively. "That is you in there isn't it?"

The Doctor looked down and smiled, teeth even and white. "Still here Clara, you can't get rid of me that...ohh that voice is a bit high. Residual energy in the larynx must be throwing up a few octaves."

"Pardon me a moment." The Doctor's hand reached up to touch the throat and the Doctor coughed noisily as though trying to dislodge something. "Mi mi mi. Do re mi fa so la tee do."

The Doctor's eyes went wide and the fingers exploring the throat pressed and touched with urgency, but explore as they might no Adam's apple could be found. The Doctor felt the hair upon the head, following the tight wavy tresses down to just below the shoulders and then pulled a lock in front of the eyes and gasped at the gingerness.

"Ginger! Finally, I've so wanted to try being ginger." The Doctor exclaimed enthusiastically, exploring the hair thoroughly. Rubbing the lock of hair and sniffing it, then feeling the mass of curls. "That's a lot of ginger though, I've never had such big hair before. Ha, River Song hair and ginger."

"Seriously Doctor?" Clara said, raising an eyebrow. "The most important difference you've noticed is that you're ginger?"

The Doctor gave Clara another brilliant smile and opened the tweed jacket. Two firm mounds tented out the shirt and the Doctor cupped them experimentally, finding each a nice handful and gave them a squeeze before jiggling them playfully up and down.

"Well there are these, they're definitely something new." The Doctor replied happily. "I think they'll be fun, I always wondered what having these would feel like."

Clara stared at the jiggling breasts and then shook her head as if trying to wake herself from a trance. Leaving the Doctor to the game she seemed absorbed in she sought out the controls the Doctor had shown her before his regeneration. She picked up the receiver on the phone and carefully dialed the number from the card and was rewarded with a ringing tone almost at once. The phone rang three times before it was answered.

"Madame Vastra, is that you Doctor?" Clara breathed a sigh of relief, the Silurian detective would know what to do surely.

"Hello,hello? Can you hear me?" How the phone could reach through time as well as space Clara could not even imagine, but as with many things with the Doctor she had grown to accept the seemingly impossible.

"Clara? Yes my dear we can hear you." Vastra's voice calmed Clara, she glanced back at the Doctor. He...she was still hefting her breasts and seemed to be providing the voices as the pair had a conversation with one another. "Is something wrong child? You sound distressed? Is the Doctor with you?"

"Well sort of." Clara answered, wondering just how she could explain what she had just witnessed. "But he...it's kind of hard to explain. Better if you see this for yourself. The Doctor said you could send a signal that the TARDIS could lock onto. We need your help."

"Of course Clara, initiating the beacon now." The Silurian reassured her. "You know how to lock on the TARDIS navigation?"

"Yes, the Doctor showed me how to do that." Clara confirmed. "Locking the navigation to your signal now."

Clara did exactly as the Doctor had shown her earlier and the winking red light lit up immediately. She crossed her fingers as she pressed the button she had been shown, praying that this one time especially the TARDIS would actually end up in the exact place and time that it was supposed to. The wheezing of the TARDIS in flight was a hopeful sign and Clara hung on as the inner column of the console began to rise and fall and usual turbulence shook her. The Doctor was shaken from her playful self-examination by the motion.

"What's going on? Where are we going, and who said you could drive?" The Doctor demanded. "We don't have time for excursions, we need to find Gallifrey."

"Doctor, Gallifrey's frozen in time. It isn't going anywhere, or anywhen for that matter." Clara shouted back over the din of the TARDIS engine. "I'm taking us where you told me to earlier, don't you remember?"

The Doctor frowned, the events of only a few minutes ago apparently forgotten. "Well if I told you to then I suppose it must be alright. I always know what I'm talking about, well usually, sometimes at least."

There was a solid bump that made both Clara and the Doctor grab onto the nearest solid object to prevent them being thrown off their feet and the column ceased moving.


	3. Chapter 3

The TARDIS solidified in the corner of Madame Vastra's drawing room and the groaning of it's engine subsided. All three members of the paternoster gang stepped toward the shabby blue box simultaneously, bumping shoulders.

"Let me through." Strax demanded, holding up a Victorian medical bag. "I'm a nurse, the Doctor may require medical attention."

Vastra and Jenny stepped aside allowing the Sontaran to be the first to approach the door to the Doctor's time machine. The click of the latch brought him to a halt and the door swung inwards. Clara appeared in the doorway, supporting a second figure by the shoulders. The woman in Clara's arms was slumped and unsteady on her feet and for the moment the most the Doctor's three friends could make out about her was the mass of ginger hair that hid her face.

"That suit." Madame Vastra said in a shocked voice as she studied the figure for clues to the woman's identity.

"Blimey, that's the Doctor's suit innit?" Jenny Flint exclaimed. "What's she doing dressed in his togs?"

The strange woman seemed to perk up at the mention of the Doctor's name and looked up at the welcoming committee brightly. She attempted to wave, only to find the sleeves of the jacket were far too long for her arms and flapped about in the air. The woman pushed the sleeves up to her elbows with a giggle and tried again with more success.

"Surprise!" The Doctor cried. "Oh wait, you knew I was coming. Oh yes, still probably a surprise though come to think of it, what with the breasts and the hair and all. I can see why I'd want to be brought here though, good thinking by the previous me if I do say so myself."

"Doctor?" Vastra queried.

"Yes here I am, good old me, or good new me." The Doctor confirmed. "Sorry if I'm a bit rambly, regeneration can be a bit confusing."

Strax stepped forward, waving a Sontaran diagnostic wand in the air before the Doctor. Studying the results he turned to Vastra and Jenny and cleared his throat.

"This may come as a shock, but unless I am very mistaken this boy is in fact a girl." He announced. "And the readings confirm that this is indeed the Doctor."

"Oh she's definitely a girl." Madame Vastra said appreciatively. "Most definitely."

"Oi stoppit ma'am." Jenny protested, nudging her mistress with her elbow and giving her a jealous glare, the effect of which was rather ruined by the accompanying giggle.

"A little help would be nice." Clara said pointedly to Strax. "Her legs don't seem to be working at all yet."

The Sontaran took hold of the Doctor's shoulder on the other side to Clara and together they guided the Doctor towards a chaise longue. The Doctor shuffled her feet awkwardly, the boots clearly several sizes to big for her feet and the bottoms of the trouser legs far too long. Flopping down on the upholstered seat the Doctor laughed.

"Do excuse me and thank you very much indeed." She said to Strax and Clara. "I seem to be having some wardrobe malfunctions. Never mind, I expect I'll grow into them soon enough."

"I think that's rather unlikely Doctor. If those are anything to go by," Clara waved vaguely towards the Doctor's chest where the material was strained by his newly sprouted breasts to the point where his shirt buttons looked to fighting a losing battle. "You are as grown as you are going to get."

"They are rather impressive." The Doctor agreed. "It sort of compensates for that chin on the last model I suppose. Every regeneration is a sort of evolution."

"Clearly." Vastra agreed. "Evolution being a step forward, it was inevitable that you'd eventually rise to being female."

"Quite, quite." The Doctor replied. "And think of the undoubted advantages. No more worrying about romantic entanglements with my companions in this body."

Vastra, Jenny and Clara all exchanged glances and were forced to stifle laughs. Strax looked at the three women suspiciously, certain he was missing the joke.

"Doctor, for someone who has spent so much time among humans you can be awfully naive." Madame Vastra said, shaking her head.

The Doctor appeared not to notice the last remark and was instead busy pulling her oversized boots off and rolling up her trouser legs above her knees. She stuck her legs out and wiggled her toes, staring at them in fascination.

"Oh look, my feet are so dainty now." The Doctor squealed. "Never had feet this small before, hope that they are still good for running."

"I'm sure they will be just fine Doctor." Madame Vastra said. "You will just need new shoes. A whole new wardrobe in fact. You do look like a child playing dress up in those clothes at the moment."

"Wardrobe,yes of course." The Doctor cried excitedly. "Into the TARDIS, there's plenty of clothes that I've picked up over the years. I'm sure I can find something more suitable."

The Doctor stood up and took a couple of steps before one of her new legs appeared to go to sleep and she hopped around in a circle and made a crash landing back on the chaise longue.

"Ah right, might need a little assistance." The Doctor admitted. "Not to worry, should wear off pretty soon."

Clara and Strax once more assisted the Doctor by supplying a pair of shoulders for the Timelady to lean upon and guided her through the TARDIS door with Vastra and Jenny following.

"First left, second right, third on the left." The Doctor directed rapidly once they were in the control room. "Go straight ahead and under the stairs."

"Past the wheelie bins and fifth door on the right." Clara cut in. "Don't worry Doctor we know the way to the wardrobes."


	4. Chapter 4

With Clara and Strax half supporting and half carrying the Doctor they were able to propel the new Timelady to the TARDIS wardrobe without too much difficulty. The Doctor, as she had warned Clara when she was still a he was more erratic than usual, commenting at length about anything that popped into her head and then veering off at bizarre tangents that left her friends struggling to keep up with her runaway train of thoughts.

The TARDIS wardrobe looked more like a rummage sale than a wardrobe with clothing heaped upon shelves and tables randomly and clothing racks full to bursting with every manner of outfit with no discernable order or system. The Doctor was deposited in a convenient armchair once the heap of clothing piled upon it was shifted. As soon as she was seated she excitedly leapt to her feet once more, her legs miraculously fully functional now that Clara and Strax had carried her all this way.

"There's a suspiciously large amount of women's clothing in here Doctor." Clara commented, looking around the room. "Just how many traveling companions have you had?"

"Hmm?" The Doctor began ticking off her fingers and muttering to herself. After a minute she appeared to lose count. "Not sure, dozens. I have been traveling twelve hundred years remember."

"Why would they leave their clothing behind?" Madame Vastra asked.

"Some decided to stay somewhere suddenly for a variety of reasons. Some just had enough and walked away." The Doctor replied. Growing more serious she added. "Some died, others were lost."

There was an uncomfortable silence as the Doctor's friends reflected on that last remark and each privately wondered how their story with the Doctor might end. The Doctor broke this silent reverie by clapping her hands.

"Enough of that." She demanded. "Time to help me pick a new outfit."

"Before you engage in any activity, I should perform a thorough medical." Strax said with insistence. "Hold still whilst I perform an examination with my probe."

The Sontaran flourished his medical wand in the air to emphasise his words. About a foot long and a couple of inches thick, the probe buzzed ominously as he activated it. The four females stared at the device apprehensively.

"That's a rather suggestive device Strax." Jenny Flint commented.

"Suggestive of what?" Strax asked puzzled, looking at the wand curiously. "It is the latest Sontaran military issue diagnostic wand."

"Well it does look remarkably like a..." Jenny started to say.

"Please don't Jenny, it will only confuse him and heaven knows he is confused enough already." Madame Vastra interrupted. "What exactly are you planning to do with that thing Strax?"

"It's range is relatively short." Strax explained. "It needs to be a foot or two from the patient and pointed directly at them to work optimally."

"Well there's absolutely no need." The Doctor declared. "Timelords are able to monitor their own health and I am perfectly fine. This is one of the smoothest regenerations I have ever had."

The Doctor turned on her heel and stepped away from Strax, cutting off further argument. Approaching a table heaped with clothing she shucked off the overly large tweed jacket and threw it aside. The shirt she drew over her head without undoing the buttons. Unfortunately she had neglected to remove her bowtie before attempting this feat and consequently her arms became untangled in the trapped shirt with her head covered. With the top half of her body fully exposed the Doctor wrestled with the stuck shirt, spinning this way and that and wailing in frustration as her breasts bounced crazily for all to see.

"We really should turn around at this point." Madame Vastra commented without moving.

"Yes Ma'am it would be the proper thing to do." Jenny agreed without taking her eyes off the Doctor for a moment.

"Nah, not going to happen." Clara disagreed, evidently enjoying the performance.

Finally the Doctor succeeded in pulling the shirt off, though she was redfaced and breathing very heavily from the struggle. She leaned on the table and flapped her hand whilst trying to regain her breath to speak.

"First things first." She finally managed to huff. "A set of those boobie holder things. Fun as these are, they seem to have a life of their own and it's awfully distracting having them bouncing around all the time."

"The boobie holders would be a bra." Clara said helpfully. "And those puppies bouncing about are distracting for everyone. Not that I'm complaining about that."

"Sontaran's are never distracted." Strax announced. "And especially not by mammary glands. I will admit that the Doctor is excellently equipped for nursing duties. Her glands would likely produce lactic fluid in quantities to rival my own, though almost certainly of vastly inferior quality."

"That is just too much information." Clara declared.

"Look around for Peri's clothing." The Doctor asked. "She was probably about the same size as I am. Most of her clothes should be in here somewhere, we parted rather abruptly."

"Doctor, who was Peri and why did you part abruptly?" Jenny asked.

"Oh very nice girl, American, helped me through an earlier regeneration." The Doctor replied absently, sifting through a pile of clothing. "Originally she died, got brain swapped with one of those horrid Mentors from Thoros Beta. Ugly little brutes they are. Later learned the high council intervened and saved her, ended up marrying Yrcanos and becoming his queen. Big fellow, very loud."

"A queen?" Jenny said sounding impressed. "Imagine that."

"Hmphh." Clara snorted. "I was proposed to by the Emperor Ludens Nimrod Kendrick Cord Longstaff of the third great and bountiful human empire."

"It's not a competition dear." Vastra said soothingly.

"Oh yes Porridge!" The Doctor cried. "Lovely little chap. Three feet tall, looked taller on his coins though. Ah here we are, Peri's boobie holders."

The Doctor held up her find, an orange bikini top triumphantly. The sizable cups did indeed look as though they might contain her sizable breasts. The Doctor frowned as she examined the article of clothing.

"All I need to do now is figure out how to get into it." She pondered. "There does not seem to be any instructions."

"Umm, Doctor. You do realise that is a bikini? For swimming." Clara pointed out.

"Excellent, even better." The Doctor exclaimed. "I'll always be ready underneath my other clothes for a quick dip in the TARDIS swimming pool."

"That's a swimsuit?" Jenny wondered aloud, holding her hand to her mouth. "But it's so tiny, it would show off everything."

"That is the general idea." Clara agreed. "You should take a trip to twenty first century sometime. They have beaches down in Brighton where there's no clothing allowed at all."

"Oh blimey, I'm getting a hot flush just thinking about it." Jenny declared, blushing bright red.

Clara took the Doctor's education in hand. Quickly showed the Timelady how by putting the top on back to front it could be easily fastened and then turned back the right way and eased into place. With the bikini top snugly fitted the Doctor posed happily, and even did a few little jumps to see how well the bikini limited the bounce of her breasts.

"I remember last time Peri wore this we were fishing for gumblejack." She stated. "Well I was at least. Mmm...panfried gumblejack, almost as good as cod and chips in a newspaper. That reminds me, I must eat soon. Burning off all that excess body during regeneration used up a lot of energy."

"Well the sooner you finish choosing an outfit the sooner we can eat." Madame Vastra pointed out.

"Bah, why must you females take so long picking apparel anyway?" Strax grumbled. "I myself only possess two suits and one set of combat armour and that's two suits more than I ever needed when I was serving the glorious Sontaran empire."


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor and her friends sifted through the piles and racks of clothing. The variety of the garments was widely varied, originating from many worlds and times that the Doctor and her former companions had visited over the centuries that she had been traveling.

"Everyone look for a coat or jacket." The Doctor requested. "Something with a few pockets. It's always good to stash a few odds and ends in case they come in useful, and I need somewhere to carry my trusty old sonic screwdriver."

Clara opened a wardrobe and rifled through the outfits she found there. She came to the conclusion that this was where the Doctor stored the more curious outfits of his long gone companions. She puzzled over the origins as she discovered a police uniform, a vintage sailor suit and an old fashioned schoolgirls outfit complete with a straw hat. Clara pulled out the last item in the wardrobe for a better look.

"Umm, Doctor. Was Xena the warrior princess your companion." Clara asked, holding up a roughly made animal hide corset and loincloth.

"Ha ha, no. Very close though." The Doctor replied, looking over to see what her friend had held up. "Leela, and she was definitely no princess. Very stabby at times with that whopping big knife of hers, but I always had a soft spot for the bad girls."

"Really Doctor?" Madame Vastra looked at the Doctor curiously. "And how do you feel about the bad girls now?"

"That remains to be seen."The Doctor replied. "New body, new tastes and feelings."

"Aha, I believe I have it." Strax cried out suddenly.

The Sontaran pulled a long coat from the rack he had been searching and held it up for inspection. It was a pink frock coat with red edging that had wide lapels and large turned back cuffs. Opening it Strax pointed out that it did indeed have a number of deep pockets as the Doctor had requested. A white shirt with ruffles down the front was also on the hanger with the coat.

"Excellent choice Strax." The Doctor agreed enthusiastically. "One of Romana's outfits. She always did have such good taste, but then she was a Timelady."

The Doctor tried on the shirt and coat at once. The shirt was a little tight around the bust and she had to leave the top couple of buttons undone which revealed an impressive cleavage. The coat reached almost to her ankles. The Doctor spun around, making the coat tails whirl outward.

"Oh I love it." The Doctor purred, turning up the collar and snuggling inside the coat.

"Very stylish I'm sure, Doctor ma'am." Jenny Flint complimented.

"Well we certainly won't have difficulty spotting you in a crowd." Vastra added. "I doubt many people could pull off so much shocking pink successfully."

"It is very you." Clara said with doubtful amusement. "All you need now is a skirt or pair of trousers."

"I've had a better idea." The Doctor announced. "Not sure I'm ready for skirts just yet, though I'm sure Jamie left some of his here somewhere."

The Doctor rushed around the room prodding at random piles of clothing in search of something. Finally giving a cry of success he overturned a stack of garments and lugged a Victorian singer sewing machine on a cast iron stand out into the centre of the room. Abandoning the sewing machine the Doctor dived through the piles of clothing until she emerged clutching a pair of tweed trousers in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other.

"Just need to cut these down a bit." The Doctor said, out of breath from her frantic activity. "About here should be about right."

The Doctor cut about three quarters of each leg of the trousers off before Jenny, who had started forward could stop her.

"Doctor Ma'am! What have you done?" Jenny protested. "You'll need to put a decent hem on those, that will lose another couple of inches. They'll be practically to your unmentionables."

"Best not to mention them then." The Doctor retorted. "I have a feeling that these legs are rather nice though, it would be a shame to cover them up too much. All I need to do is figure this machine out to sew the shorts."

"Best you let me do that Doctor ma'am." Jenny insisted. "It will only take a moment."

Jenny quickly finished her work and the Doctor wasted no time in stripping off the trousers she was wearing to try on her newly altered tweed shorts. The boxers she had been wearing were cast off too to be replaced by the orange bikini bottoms. The Doctor's feeling about her legs had been correct, they were indeed a rather nice pair. A fact which Vastra,Jenny and Clara could not help but notice.

"You certainly won't have a problem proving you're a natural ginger." Clara declared with a smile.

The Doctor opened the flaps of her coat and looked down. A bushy thatch of bright ginger pubic hair covered her mons. The Doctor gave a delighted sigh.

"Always been fascinated by gingers." She stated. "Mel,Donna,Amy. Not forgetting good queen Bess of course."

The Doctor pulled on her new shorts. They were a little loose, but a set of rainbow coloured braces were found to prevent any unfortunate wardrobe malfunctions. Now fully clothed, apart from her feet, the Doctor danced around humming happily.

"And of course the finishing touch." The Timelady said, holding up the bowtie from her previous incarnation. "Bowties are still and always will be undoubtedly cool."

Finally to complete her makeover, the Doctor ransacked a chest full of shoes and picked out a pair of tan coloured hiking boots in her size. Her outfit was definitely mismatched and was most likely to draw attention whatever culture and time she was in.

"A little garish for my tastes." Madame Vastra commented. "But blending in to your surroundings never did seem much of priority to you Doctor."


	6. Chapter 6

The Doctor seemed to have completely recovered from her earlier weakness and was now as energetic as ever. She was emptying out the pockets that she had worn in her previous incarnation and transferring the items she found to her new coat. A clockwork mouse, yoyo, balls of string and assorted odds and ends were glimpsed briefly before being squirreled away until she found a use for them in her adventures. Finally she flourished her sonic screwdriver and clicked it on, the little gadget beeped, buzzed and blinked it's light.

"Right then, onwards and upwards." The Doctor said, pocketing the sonic inside her coat. "The game is afoot and the great Gallifrey hunt begins."

"Gallifrey?" Vastra queried. "But Doctor, Gallifrey was destroyed. Maybe your regeneration has left you a little confused."

"Nonsense, never felt better. And I've never meant that so literally." The Doctor disagreed. "Need to bring you up to speed. Gallifrey is out there somewhere. Frozen in time in a pocket universe. Absolutely brilliant plan, genius really. Hide a whole planet away and let everybody, even myself, believe it's been destroyed."

"You hid it, but you don't know it's location?" Strax asked. "That sounds like incompetence. Count yourself fortunate that I am here, Sontaran efficiency is what is needed on this mission."

"I believe I can speak for Jenny and I..." Vastra glanced to her partner, who nodded. "...when I say that you can rely on us to assist your quest wherever or whenever we are needed."

"And you're certainly not leaving me behind ginge." Clara added firmly.

"Oooh, that's new. I've never been called ginge before." The Doctor said with a smile. "I think I'm going to like that. Hey you, you big gingery ginger ginge. Brilliant."

"So where does this great planet hunt begin then Doctor?" Madame Vastra asked.

"First we look up an old friend." The Doctor decided. "If anyone might know rumours of something hidden or forgotten, then it's those who make their trade in keeping out of sight and helping themselves to things that don't technically belong to them."

"Pirate scum and smugglers!" Strax shouted. "Excellent, I can crush their worthless bodies underfoot once we have extracted information from them."

"Well we'll keep the crushing underfoot for an emergency." The Doctor said soothingly to the Sontaran. "But yeah, pirates and smugglers keep a good ear to the ground. Even in space when there's no ground."

"Captain Avery you mean?" Jenny said.

"Yes indeedy." The Doctor confirmed. "Last time I looked him up before Demons run he was operating out of an old space station called Tortuga. Lots of lowlifes and general ne'er do wells use the place as a base. If the good captain himself doesn't know a rumour he might know someone else who might."

The Doctor gave a manic smile, excited to have a course of action for the beginning her quest. Wheeling around in a flurry of pink coat tails she ran for the door with a girlish squeal.

"Geronimo." She cried out. "Damn that's another thing I need to change. Can't go using my other selves thing, got to think of a new thing."

The Doctor raced through the corridors of the TARDIS. Spinning and skidding around corners in her haste and hurdling the wheelie bins as she ran under the staircase, she dashed to the control room. Giving the central console a hug and a big sloppy kiss she pressed buttons and spun dials energetically.

"Hello sexy, did you miss me?" The Doctor shouted to the room and her beloved TARDIS. "We're going home, by the scenic route this time."

The central console began to rise and fall and the wheezing groan of the TARDIS engine was louder than ever as the Doctor's four friends entered the control room in her wake. The three women looked out of breath, but shared the Doctor's excitement for the new adventure. Strax brought up the rear by several seconds, grumbling loudly about all the running.

"Is it absolutely necessary to move at such speed all the time?" The Sontaran complained. "My legs were gene crafted for endurance and carrying capacity, not for dashing about in such an unmilitary manner."

"Oh absolutely necessary." The Doctor cried out over the din of the engines. "An awful lot of running is just what these new legs were made for."

The TARDIS lurched and spun, making everyone but the Doctor hold onto something fixed and solid to prevent being flung about. The Doctor capered around the console adjusting instruments seemingly at random, somehow able to remain upright in the jolting like a sailor on the heaving deck of a ship. The TARDIS hurtled forwards through time, leaving the nineteenth century behind and far, far out into space.

The Doctor's time machine was spinning towards an old and battered space station. Gaping holes and ruptures from weapon fire and meteorite hits had been plugged by grafting derelict spaceships onto the station until very little of it's original form and structure could be seen. The station now resembled a vast floating junkyard of space vehicles from dozens of different planets and species.

The TARDIS materialised inside the station in a side corridor just out of sight of the main thoroughfare of the stations business quarter. Gaudy neon lights of different colours illuminated the wide plaza that was lined with drinking and gambling dens, strip clubs and shops selling everything from weapons to exotic pets. Aliens from numerous species bustled up and down the plaza, most armed to the teeth and dressed in all manner of bizarre fashion.

"Tortuga!" The Doctor exclaimed, throwing open the TARDIS door and striding confidently out. "Ahh, the smells, the sounds, the sights. Nowhere quite like it in the galaxy."


	7. Chapter 7

The Doctor's friends emerged from the TARDIS and spread out to stand behind her for their first look at the space station Tortuga. A short delay had been called for whilst the companions visited both the wardrobe and armoury. Much as the Doctor disapproved of entering situations armed it had been agreed that on the pirate station unwanted attention would be called to a group who were not visibly equipped to defend themselves. The paternoster gang also needed a change of clothing, Vastra and Jenny in particular in their Victorian dresses were hardly dressed for adventuring. Madame Vastra and Strax had found battle armour from their respective races and Jenny was now dressed in a velvet, dark burgundy jacket with fur trimming and trousers that had once belonged to one of the Doctor's companions. Strax had of course equipped himself with the largest energy rifle the armoury possessed and Vastra had chosen a pair of Earth manufactured revolvers in shoulder holsters. Jenny now had a samurai sword strapped to her back. Clara had a baseball bat, which she looked at dubiously, although the Doctor insisted that she had upgraded it several regenerations ago and it was in fact an awesome weapon. Only the Doctor herself had refused to arm herself.

"I am armed with my wits." The Doctor insisted. "Which are sharper than the sword, faster than the bullet and more dazzling than the highest powered laser."

"Feels good to be out of that stuffy maid's uniform and no mistake." Jenny flint commented. "I'd cause a right commotion dressed like this back in eighteen ninety two. I'm much more comfortable wearing the trousers."

"Figuratively speaking of course my love." Vastra said, giving her partner a smile. "Though you do look very fetching in those tight pants I must admit."

"Oh go on, you're incorrigible really." Jenny blushed, but smiled at the comment.

The Doctor led the party into the plaza and headed across the broad shopping arcade. Though the way was fairly crowded and the assorted aliens looked tough and well armed, the presence of a battle armed and armoured Sontaran and Silurian in the group meant that those aliens walking around carefully made way or veered aside. The party headed for a large and brightly illuminated establishment on the opposite side of the plaza. Thumping music and raucous laughter could be heard inside, indicating that this was a tavern of some description.

"This is where I tracked captain Avery down to last time I needed his assistance." The Doctor said. "The Wet clam. Silly name for a pub. Clams are bound to be wet, they live in the sea."

Clara burst out laughing, but stifled her giggles with her hand when the rest of the group looked at her oddly.

"I'll explain later." She promised. "Must be a twenty first century expression."

The Doctor's posse entered the Wet clam and found themselves in a dark and crowded club. Disreputable looking aliens were seated or moving around drinking dubious looking liquids. Evidently Tortuga had no ban on smoking and a thick fug of mingling smoke rose from the tables and obscured the vision. The smell of the drinks, the smoke and the aliens themselves was widely varied and new aromas assaulted the nose as you moved through the bar.

Looking around the darkened bar the friends could see staircases leading both upwards and downwards, a stage area at the back of the room and long bars along both sides. On the stage, obviously female gendered aliens were cavorting around poles consisting of hard light beams to the beat of loud music and strobing lasers. Clara and Jenny, the most unused to alien cultures both tilted their heads to one side and looked at the spinning females curiously. One of the alien women with bright blue skin, whirled around a pole athletically, then cast off the skimpy top she had been wearing to a chorus of cheers and catcalls from the tables nearest the stage. Three ample, but firm breasts jiggled and bounced enticingly at patrons of the bar.

"Well that's certainly different." Clara commented.

"Yeah, never saw that down in Whitechapel." Jenny Flint agreed, mesmerised.

"It is rude to stare Jenny." Madame Vastra admonished, with more than a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"Just trying to blend in ma'am. Them ladies is there to be stared at ain't they?" Jenny insisted. "You know I ain't got eyes for anyone but you love."

"Yes well. I suggest we split up to look for captain Avery." The Doctor proposed. "If you take Strax madame and search upstairs, I'll take Clara and Jenny with me and keep them out of trouble."

"Really Doctor?" Vastra retorted. "I'm certain that it would take the combined efforts of Clara and Jenny to even attempt to keep you from causing trouble."

"Nevertheless an excellent stratagem." Strax growled. "By dividing our forces we could catch these pirate scum in a pincer maneuver and annihilate them in the crossfire."

"Strax dear, we are here to enlist the help of the pirates." Madame Vastra pointed out gently. "Annihilation might not be the best method of obtaining assistance. You remember the talk we have had before on this matter?"

"Ahh yes. Talk first, possible annihilation later." Strax agreed. "Never fear Doctor, I have that clear now."

"I'll keep an eye on him, don't worry." Vastra assured the Doctor.


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor led Clara and Jenny down a flight of stairs deeper into the Wet clam. The two humans looked around them curiously at the patrons using the tavern. Though both girls had become used to being in the company of aliens, the sheer number packed into the space and the wide variety of the species was something new. There were other humans in the club. Quite a number in fact, but many were just as outlandish in their clothing and appearance as the aliens.

"I thought I'd seen some rough pubs down in the docklands." Jenny whispered to Clara. "But them foreign sailors and dockworkers were regular pussycats compared to this lot."

"You should try going down the docklands in my century." Clara whispered back. "The docklands is full of yuppies in my time. I think I prefer this lot."

The next floor down was similar to the first, though perhaps a little darker and smokier. The Doctor pressed ahead, seemingly at ease in this den of thieves and criminals despite her new body. Cara and Jenny hurried after her, the long pink coat proving it's worth as the Doctor was very hard to miss even though she was shorter and thinner than most of the clientele of the tavern. She danced around a barmaid carrying a tray full of glass mugs brimming with dark reddish drink and after the woman had passed produced a full mug from beneath her coat which she had deftly stolen in passing.

"Oh they'll never miss it." She said defensively when Clara and Jenny gave her disapproving looks. "I'll leave a tip on the way out."

The Doctor sniffed the drink experimentally, smiled, and then took a big swig. After downing about a third of the mug she came up for air and shivered with a grimace.

"Admiral's old antisocial, that will put hairs on your chest." She announced cheerfully to her companions. "Bit stronger than I remember though. A few of these would put even a Timelady on her back. I didn't know they sold this anywhere apart from on Dellah prime. One of the advantages of having a station full of pirates and smugglers I suppose."

"I really don't think hair would suit that chest." Clara observed. "And if you end up on your back in this place there's no telling what might happen."

The Doctor opened her mouth to make a retort. Whatever her comeback was going to be was lost as something landed in her beermug. The thick foam splashed up, a large dollop landing on the Doctor's nose. She went crosseyed for a moment staring at the tip of her nose. Floating in her beer was a small ball. The Doctor gingerly plucked the ball from her drink and looked at the offending object in surprise and then peered about her for the source of it's unexpected appearance.

Like the floor they had just descended from there was a stage area. On this stage there was a pretty insectoid female performing an act. As the Doctor and her companions watched, the insect girl lay on the floor and spread her legs wide, giving the audience a clear view of her smoothly hairless vagina. There was an audible pop and the insect girl's pussy lips winked open and another small ball fired from the insectoid's nether regions and whizzed above the Doctor's head to make a splashdown in the glass of an alien seated at a table some feet behind her.

"Well that's unexpected." The Doctor declared. "Remarkable understanding of ballistics and internal muscle control though. If I was wearing a hat I'd take it off right now, unless it was a fez of course. I wonder if I could learn that trick, could come in handy to get out of a bit of trouble one day."

"I don't think laying on your back and spreading your legs is a way out of trouble Doctor ma'am." Jenny advised. "Quite the reverse in fact. That's how most girl's get themselves into trouble."

"You never know what might come in handy one day." The Doctor said cryptically. "Wouldn't do any harm to practice later."

"You're not going to drink that beer now are you?" Clara asked, pulling a face. "We all know exactly where that little ball has been."

"Right. Suddenly less thirsty." The Doctor admitted.

The Doctor turned to deposit the beermug on the nearest table. In the gloom of the room however, she spilt the drink. The foamy beer splashed over the table and onto the occupants seated around it. All three stood up immediately with angry shouts as they turned their attention towards the Doctor who stood guiltily holding the now empty mug. A large claw pointed accusingly at the Doctor.

"You careless Human. I'll skin you alive and wear you." The big Slitheen attached to the claw roared. "You could have burned me with that foul liquid."

"A total accident." The Doctor protested. "Besides, you'd never fit in my skin. No compression field is that good."

"And now you call me fat?" The Slitheen wailed. "Prepare for the hunt Human."

"Stop calling me Human, you big green thing you." The Doctor snapped back, putting her small fist on her hips and glaring at the Slitheen. "Nothing against Human's, love them to bits in fact. But I'm not."

Jenny stepped forward, her hand on the hilt of the samurai sword strapped on her back. Her eyes had narrowed and all her instincts as an accomplished fighter had instantly risen. She quickly assessed, both the Slitheen who was doing all the talking and his two associates who flanked him.

"Now we ain't looking for no trouble. So just sit yourself down and we'll apologise and be on our way and nobody has to get hurt." Jenny said, in a remarkably calm voice.


	9. Chapter 9

"Oh I quite disagree." The leading Slitheen hissed nastily. "Someone does indeed need to get hurt. In fact three small female Humans need to get very hurt indeed."

"Still not Human." The Doctor snapped. "Do you need subtitles when I speak or are you just incredibly slow at processing information?"

Jenny sighed. "As my da used to say when he kicked off after a few pints at the dog and duck, sod the talking."

The big Slitheen began to reach over the table with his long arms, his claws extended to rip the face off the small dark haired human who had stepped forward to protect the annoying ginger furred female. His claws slashed at empty air as Jenny suddenly slid beneath the table. She rolled out of the other side of the furniture between the Slitheen's legs and spun around. Kicking out with both feet, her heels struck the Slitheen behind both knees. With a startled wail his arms wind milled as his legs gave way and he crashed face forward into the table. The table split down the middle as the big alien hit it, sending the contents flying as he collapsed stunned into the debris.

The remaining two Slitheen looked surprised for a moment before lurching forward. One turned and attacked Jenny, who had sprung to her feet drawing her sword, while the second advanced upon the Doctor and Clara. Raising his claws above the Doctor's head he hissed at her.

"Any last words before I split you open?" The Slitheen asked.

"Mnn rugh t'torr wih mnnn mfff fugh." The Doctor mumbled incoherently without opening her mouth.

"What?" The Slitheen demanded.

The Doctor blew a raspberry, spraying the contents of her mouth directly in the Slitheen's face. Unnoticed, she had taken another beer from a nearby table and taken a big swig to fill her mouth. The mildly acidic liquid covered the Slitheen's face and steam rose up as it burnt him. Blinded, he lashed out with his claws. The Doctor easily avoided the groping slashes, skipping nimbly away out of reach. Clara seeing her chance stepped to the creature's side hefting the baseball bat she carried. Without much faith in success she swung out as hard as she could and caught the Slitheen a powerful blow in his ribs. There was a loud bang as the bat hit the Slitheen and Clara was amazed to see the massive alien thrown through the air a dozen feet to land on top of another table, which promptly collapsed in another satisfying heap of broken wood and tableware.

"How did I manage that?" Clara wondered aloud, staring at the seemingly normal bat.

"Oh quite simple." The Doctor said grinning. "I did tell you that was upgraded. Just as the TARDIS is bigger inside than outside, the bat is much heavier to whatever it is hitting than to whoever is holding it."

Clara opened her mouth to argue that such a thing was impossible, but then shut it without speaking and shrugged. While she might not understand the Doctor's explanation it was no more impossible than the TARDIS being a wooden blue box that traveled through time or the fact that the Doctor could regenerate. Clara looked around with new confidence in her ability to see if Jenny needed assistance. The slightly built girl had obviously been busy with her sword. The last Slitheen was staring dumbly at his fingers. The long claws he had a moment ago were all missing, leaving blunt little stubs. The wicked sharp points were littered around his feet, where they had fallen when Jenny had skillfully severed them without drawing a single drop of blood.

"My claws. My beautiful sharp claws." The Slitheen surprisingly burst into tears and turned and ran away sobbing.

A considerable amount of space had cleared around the area where the brawl had taken place as the patrons of the tavern had drawn back far enough to be safe from being accidently hit in the melee, but still near enough for ringside seats of the entertainment. The three friends met in the middle of the deserted circle, laughing and giving one another congratulatory hugs.

"Piece of cake." Jenny giggled. "Seen much worse than that at kicking out time down the east end on a Friday night."

"Did you see that one I hit?" Clara added laughing. "He nearly went into orbit."

"Much as I disapprove of violence, that was rather satisfying wasn't it?" The Doctor declared with a big smile. "One unconscious, some second degree burns and a big declawed crybaby. Nobody dead or permanently maimed has to be a result for the good gals."

"Ahem, nobody dead or permanently maimed yet!" A stranger's voice disputed from behind the Doctor.

All three friends turned around slowly. About a dozen heavily armed aliens and Humans had stepped forward from the crowd and were pointing an assortment of pistols and rifles at the three women. The obvious leader stood in the centre flanked by his henchmen. Though his body was humanoid, his head was that of a shark with an impossibly wide mouth full of teeth. He wore a black business suit and dark mirrored glasses and inspected the damage surrounding the three friends before speaking once more.

"So who is going to pay for this damage?" The shark creature asked in a reasonable tone. "That furniture and tableware was almost new. Plus I will factor in loss of revenue from three no longer drinking customers and a modest surcharge for inconvenience to myself and my employees. All told I think three hundred credits or the equivalent in any galactic accepted currency should cover the bill."

"Not a problem." The Doctor said stepping forward and seized the shark's hand to energetically shake it. "May I take this opportunity to say what a simply marvellous establishment you run here sir. It is a sir isn't it? No offence meant if I have that wrong. The service was outstanding and I have not tasted admiral's old antisocial served at exactly the right temperature in many years."

The Doctor fished through the pockets of her long pink coat and produced a battered old wallet and flipped it open and flashed it in front of the shark creature's face.

"There we are, imperial credit card." She lied cheerfully. "Just deduct what is needed from that and add say twenty percent on top as a tip."

The shark was quiet for a moment and then coughed, covering a very small part of his extremely large mouth with his fist politely.

"As well as shielding my regrettably light sensitive eyes you might be interested to know that these glasses also have a psychic filter." The shark pointed out.

"Oh dear." The Doctor said very slowly.


	10. Chapter 10

"We should attack now while we maintain a tactical advantage." Strax insisted.

The Sontaran and Madame Vastra had been drawn downstairs after noticing a Slitheen minus his claws fleeing from the lower floor of the tavern and had rightly surmised that if there was trouble then the Doctor would undoubtedly be at it's epicentre. They stood on the fringe of the crowd of curious bystanders who were treating the altercation and it's aftermath as an amusing spectacle.

"This is a Sontaran eviscerator T7." Strax insisted, patting the barrel of the pulse rifle he carried. "A grossly inaccurate weapon, but it produces an almost inescapable cone of death when in fully automatic mode. I estimate that from this angle a ninety seven percent probability that all of the enemy would be dead or incapacitated with the first burst. Most of the casualties would be caused by the dismembered limbs of the nearest targets."

"Yes, unfortunately the Doctor, Jenny and Clara being between us and those people would actually be the nearest targets." The Silurian pointed out.

"Regrettably so." Strax admitted. "But three fatalities for our side and twelve or more to the enemy and possibly twenty to thirty neutral bystanders would constitute an outstanding victory in the Sontaran military."

"You do remember that you are no longer in the service of the Sontaran empire Strax?" Vastra asked. "In general terms most other species would not consider slaughtering everybody in sight and then counting the bodies to see who won as acceptable practice. We shall wait to see what happens next and plan a less fatal rescue attempt."

"As you wish Madame." Strax said sulkily. "But this does seem an extremely time consuming method of waging war."

The Doctor slipped the wallet containing her psychic notepaper back into the pocket of her coat. The shark headed leader of the group facing her and her companions tutted loudly, but was evidently not one to lose his cold and calm manner easily.

"I am very offended and distressed that you would attempt to cheat me in such a disrespectful manner." The shark said, though his voice betrayed no offense or distress or indeed any emotion at all. "I am forced to assume that you have no negotiable currency in your possession and alternative steps will need to be taken to reimburse my losses."

"In view of the circumstances we would be prepared for negotiation." The Doctor conceded. "Perhaps a payment plan of some kind? I am sure I could raise the necessary funds if I could nip back to my ship, wouldn't be gone for more than a couple of minutes."

"Sadly my trusting nature has been badly shaken by the crass attempt at swindling." The shark replied, shaking his big head. "I think we should reconvene this negotiation in my office and allow my employees to clean up the mess you caused."

Clara and Jenny looked to one another uncertainly and then slowly lowered their weapons. As effective as they were, they were no match for the rifles and pistols pointed at them. With several of the shark's armed guards as escorts the three friends allowed themselves to be led away and through a door marked as staff only.

Vastra and Strax watched their friends led away and into the back rooms of the club. As they disappeared from sight Vastra felt an insistent tugging on the sleeve of her battle armour. She looked down to see a short figure dressed in a dirty brown hooded robe. A long grey beard emerging from the hood and hanging to the figure's waist was all that could be seen of whoever was under the hood.

"Pssst. It's me missus lizard." The mysterious figure whispered.

"Me who?" Vastra asked. "I am certain we are not acquainted. Perhaps you have me confused with another Silurian."

The small figure opened his hood and briefly pulled his beard away from his chin to reveal that the hairy mass was in fact a disguise held in place by elasticated string.

"Toby Avery?" Vastra exclaimed, recognising the pirate captain's son. "Why ever are you dressed like that?"

"Shhh, not so loud missus." Toby urged. "I'm in disguise. My dad and the rest of the crew of the Fancy are persona non gratia in the wet clam."

Toby Avery glanced about anxiously to see if anyone was watching. Luckily attention was only just beginning to drift away from the earlier excitement and no-one appeared to have noticed anything amiss.

"I saw Mister Ripper and his goons took your sweetheart and those other two ladies." Toby said. "My dad will be sure to help you, there's already bad blood between our crew and Mister Ripper. The Fancy's docked not too far from here."

"Excellent strategic thinking boy." Strax said warmly. "With reinforcements and superior numbers we can assault this stronghold with overwhelming force and completely annihilate all opposition. With such a quick mind you are sure to go far in this life. Perhaps one day we may match wits on the field of battle and I will have the honour of crushing your lifeless body underfoot."

"Does he always talk like that missus?" Toby asked Vastra, eyeing the Sontaran dubiously.

"I'm afraid so." Madame Vastra answered. "But that was a very high compliment for a Sontaran."

"Umm, thank you mister. " Toby said, adding ever so politely. "I look forward to crushing you too."

"That's the spirit boy." Strax roared heartily. "Now lead on to your ship and we will convene a council of war."

Madame Vastra took a last concerned look towards the door through which her beloved Jenny had been led and then turned and followed Toby and Strax. The Doctor, Jenny and Clara were all resourceful and the Silurian could only hope that they would be able to deal with whatever awaited them and survive until she returned with help to effect a rescue.


	11. Chapter 11

"We look ridiculous." Clara stated.

"Oh I wouldn't say that. I think it looks rather good." The Doctor disagreed. "And if I do say so myself I think I definitely have the legs and bum to pull this off."

"Are you certain this is the whole uniform and not just the underclothes?" Jenny asked in disbelief for the third time.

The Doctor and her two companions had after some negotiation reached a deal with Mister Ripper, the shady proprietor of the Wet Clam nightclub, on a method of repayment for the damage that had been caused during their brawl with three Slitheen. All things considered, despite the fact that he had the head of a shark with far too many teeth to comfortable look him in the face and that he ran a strip joint on a pirate space station and had a small army of heavily armed thugs, Mister Ripper had seemed remarkably civilised and reasonable. His solution to the dilemma had been that the three should work off their debt in his club as waitresses. Jenny and Clara, both of whom had on occasion worked as barmaids or waitresses before had considered the solution to be reasonable. The Doctor had been positively enthusiastic about the notion.

"Oooh, a real job." She had excitedly cried. "I have not had a real job in ages, and the last was with UNIT which really does not count as that was fighting alien invasions and using cool sciency stuff which I do all the time anyway."

Mister Ripper had three waitress uniforms suitable for Humans brought to his office and allowed the three to use a restroom adjoining to change in. It was only when they changed that the three women realised just how little the uniforms consisted of. The shiny skirts made from some synthetic material barely reached to mid thigh and the tops were low cut tightly laced corsets which pushed up the breasts leaving large cleavages of exposed flesh. Stockings and high heeled pumps completed the uniform.

"I'm not sure about this thong though." The Doctor said dubiously. "It feels like I'm wearing dental floss."

"You'll get used to it Doctor, just don't bend over too quickly." Clara advised.

"Is this the sort of thing you wear in your twenty first century?" Jenny asked Clara. "It hardly seems practical."

"I'm a schoolteacher. So no I wouldn't dress like this to work." Clara replied. "But if you were out on the pull in Essex you'd probably be overdressed. Be a bit too chilly for me on my motorbike anyway."

"My motorbike." The Doctor corrected. "It's only on loan. I had enough trouble getting it back when I lent it to King David."

"The King David, from the bible?" Clara asked skeptically.

"Yes, him. Who else would I mean?" The Doctor answered. "When it was written that King David's triumph could be heard throughout the land they meant that quite literally."

"I think she makes most of this up." Jenny commented. "That is a little farfetched."

"So did I. But if she'd told me I was going to meet a lizard woman who'd hibernated for sixty five million years. A sword fighting Victorian ninja maid and an alien soldier, stroke nurse. Working as a butler with a big potato head then I would have said that was farfetched too." Clara pointed out.

"Hmmm, fair point I suppose." Jenny conceded.

At this point a loud knocking upon the door of the restroom and a gruff voice calling on the girls to hurry themselves up interrupted the conversation. With a last check of their appearances in the mirrors the three women reluctantly prepared to re-enter Mister Ripper's office. Jenny tugged the hem of her tiny skirt in a futile attempt to cover more of her legs and bottom.

"We could use some pockets on these things." The Doctor said sadly. "I thought of one place I could keep the sonic screwdriver, but I don't think I could walk straight with it there."

Neither Clara or Jenny made any comment on the Doctor's last remark, though both did seem to silently speculate the possibility that the Doctor's multipurpose tool might have potential in that respect. Gathering up their neatly folded clothing and possessions they all trooped back out into Mister Ripper's office. Jenny blushed furiously as the shark and two of his henchmen's eyes lit up as they inspected the friends. Clara sighed and said nothing, while the Doctor wobbled a little uncertainly on her unaccustomed heels, but giggled delightedly and attempted a little spin. This was not altogether successful, but Mister Ripper gallantly stepped forward to steady her by the elbow before she could fall over.

"Excellent, excellent." The sharkman said appreciatively. "You girls look so good in those uniforms I could just eat you up."

The compliment might have been a little less disturbing if Mister Ripper's mouth was not three feet wide and had three rows of razor sharp teeth. So far however the club owner seemed rather urbane and for an undoubted villain quite polite and charming.

"So, fifty credits each per shift." The shark summed up the agreement they had earlier struck. "Three shifts and that should settle your bill and you can be on your way. Maybe even two with tips. Who knows, you might even decide to stay on, attractive female staff are so hard to find this far off the regular shipping lanes."

"Just till the bill is settled." Clara said firmly. "We have places to be and people to meet thank you very much."

"Ahh, you'll forgive me if I hold out the hope that circumstances might change and you can be persuaded to stay on in my service." Mister Ripper said, flashing his impressive teeth. "Mister Nailer here will show you to the lockers where you can store your belongings in the meantime."

The friends turned to follow the henchman Mister Ripper had indicated as Nailer.

"Oh just one thing more." Ripper added, stopping them after a step or two.

From his desk the shark took three metallic chokers and clipped one around each of the three women's necks. As each one was fastened there was a loud click and an audible hum from the tight necklaces.

"Just a little insurance." Mister Ripper explained soothingly. "You did try to cheat me with that psychic notepaper and it would be most upsetting if you attempted to run out on me without fulfilling your agreement."

"What are these things?" Jenny demanded to know hotly.

"As long as you stay within the Wet Clam, then they are just jewellery." The shark replied. "Try to exit and they will incapacitate you. I'm told the pain is quite excruciating. Now time to run along and start your first shift girls."

"You sure letting them out into the club is a good idea boss?" The remaining henchman asked once the Doctor, Clara and Jenny had left. "Wouldn't it be better to keep them under lock and key until the transport arrives?"

"No, giving them hope will keep them docile. You saw the sort of trouble they could cause if they decided to fight." Mister Ripper said to his thug. "If they think they'll be free to go in a couple of days they'll just do as they're told. Besides I get three extra staff who will not be around to collect their pay. It's a win win situation."


	12. Chapter 12

"Slavers!" Vastra exclaimed, clearly distressed by the revelation.

"Aye lass." Captain Avery said solemnly. "I found out by chance a while back. The Wet Clam certainly turns a tidy profit, but Ripper and his crew are really raking in the credits by selling on the lasses he hires to work in his tavern."

"And this has a connection with the feud between yourselves and this Mister Ripper?" Vastra, choosing to ignore being referred to as lass by the pirate Captain.

"Aye, right enough." John Avery replied. "I'm a pirate, I make no bones about that. Blackbirding though, it's a filthy business and no mistake. Soon as I knew what that damned shark was up to I had the Fancy hit the next consignment Ripper tried to ship. We done those cursed slavers the dirty good and proper, just like the old days it was."

"And what happened to the girls?" Madame Vastra pressed.

"A couple chose to ship with me." Avery explained. "The rest I let take the slaveship as prize and head back to the shipping lanes after setting what was left of her crew adrift in escape pods."

"A strategic error." Strax interrupted. "When the enemy is at your mercy you should crush them completely. No doubt those crew have rejoined the enemy ranks."

"Aye no doubt." The Captain agreed. "I'm a pirate, not a murderer. Never good for business to slaughter the crew of a ship you've taken. Once word got around that you showed no mercy, no-one would strike their colours. Goes against the code of the brethren."

"Could you capture the next ship this slaver sends out?" Vastra asked. "The Doctor, Jenny and Clara would most likely be aboard it."

"The Doctor?" Avery said, looking puzzled. "Why would he be aboard? Mister Ripper deals in slavegirls. If he took the Doctor he'd likely have slit his throat straight away."

"The Doctor isn't exactly the man you remember anymore." Madame Vastra said. "In fact not a man at all these days. His, or rather her species periodically regenerate their bodies and take on a new appearance and personality. The Doctor recently did this and now he is most definitely female."

"Well that is a rum business and no mistake. The Doctor is a wench now you say?" The Captain scratched his head and looked amazed. "This changes matters of course, but I don't reckon we can hit Ripper's shipment. He's canny enough that shark and he's got a couple of armed ships ready to escort his next transport. The Fancy would be too badly outgunned to take those on."

"Then we will die in glorious battle." Strax declared. "Debts must be paid. Honour demands we make the attempt, even if we are all incinerated in the futile attempt."

"Ahhh, maybe a more subtle approach would be better." Avery said. "With most of his crew on those ships happen we might be able to launch a raid on Mister Ripper's tavern and free the Doctor and your friends before they're ever shipped out. I was seeing the lay of the land to that respect already, which was why young Toby was there and spotted the pair of you."

"Captain, I commend your strategic thinking." Strax agreed. "For a mere Human you appear to be a worthy tactician."

The Captain, Vastra and Strax commenced planning a rescue attempt, spreading out a plan of the Wet Clam on the Captain's table and reviewing the strengths and weaknesses of the opposing forces.

"I swear if another bloody hand goes up my skirt I'll cut it off at the wrist." Jenny swore, brandishing a rather blunt cutlery knife to emphasise her words. "Bloody men, and those aliens are just as bad as the Humans."

"They are a bit touchy feely." Clara agreed. "It's hard enough watching where the Human hands are wandering. The aliens with more than two hands and those with tentacle thingies you don't stand a chance with."

"The gropers are good tippers though." The Doctor pointed out. "I've nearly doubled my pay for the shift in tips alone."

The three friends were taking a short break after being rushed off their feet in the Wet Clam on their first shift working for Mister Ripper. Each had rather unappetizing kronk burgers and a mug of considerably more appetizing ale. The Doctor, Clara and Jenny had noticed, had adapted surprisingly quickly to wearing high heels and now only wobbled very occasionally as she wove in and out of the tables and clients. As they were discussing, the pirates, smugglers and other lowlifes that used the Wet Clam seemed to be of the opinion that the serving girls were there to be pawed and groped at will. Jenny Flint was particularly offended by the incessant wandering hands and other appendages, her preferences not being inclined towards males in the least.

"I had noticed that you seemed to be most diligent in serving those tables Doctor ma'am." Jenny commented, with a thinly disguised distaste at the thought of those men's hands.

"As I said, very good tippers." The Doctor insisted. "The sooner we pay off our bill for damages the sooner we can get back to the TARDIS and our mission."

"You really think we can trust that shark?" Clara doubted.

"Are you just biased because he is a shark Clara Oswald?" The Doctor scolded. "I've met some very nice sharks in my time. You must admit he is a very charming and well dressed shark."

"You fancy the shark?" Clara exclaimed. "You do don't you? How would that even work, you could hardly snog something with a mouth that size and all those teeth. Do sharks even have thingies?"

"Generally sharks have two intramittant organs." The Doctor lectured. "Not certain whether that would be the case with parallel evolution though."

"Intramittant organs?" Jenny queried. "You mean he might have two cocks?"

"Well yes, interesting don't you think?" The Doctor asked.

"You remember after I met those two other yous?" Clara said, looking at the Doctor with a thoughtful expression. "And you told me how each regeneration could have different aspects of your personality. I think It's becoming clear what your personality will be like in this incarnation."

"Flirty, sexy?" The Doctor guessed. "Smutty even?"

"Well, very similar to smutty, sounds very similar too." Clara laughed. "Keeping you out of trouble was difficult enough before you changed. Now I see that I used to have it easy."


	13. Chapter 13

Clara set down the tray laden with mugs of ale on the table and served the drinks to the disreputable looking aliens seated there. She gave a squeal as felt something moving up her thigh, something wriggling and slightly moist. She looked quickly down to see a pale green tentacle snaking up her leg, intent on working it's way up her skirt. She slapped it away hurriedly and one of the customers let out a yelp of pain.

"Keep your fingers to yourself squid boy." She scolded the tentacles owner.

"That wasn't my finger, it was my nose." The alien replied sounding offended.

"Well...ewwww." Clara shuddered. "Your nose, really? Well whatever it is keep it out of my knickers or I'll snap it off."

Collecting the now empty tray Clara started back to the bar for her next order when a familiar squat and stocky figure caught her eye. She looked around for the Doctor and saw her making her way towards the bar also. Clara hurried towards the Timelady.

"Just sat down at table seven." Clara whispered. "It's Strax."

"He took his time." The Doctor whispered back. "I was expecting him or Vastra hours ago. At least he didn't come in all guns blazing for a change."

"If it wasn't for these bloody collars we could just nip off back to the TARDIS." Clara complained.

"The sonic would have these things off in a moment." The Doctor said. "Pity it's locked up in the staff room with our clothes."

"Maybe we could get it back at the end of the shift?" Clara asked. "Getting handled, pawed and tentacled every five minutes is getting tiresome."

"Really?" The Doctor whispered with a smile. "It's a new experience for me. I'm kind of enjoying it. This regeneration seems very tactile compared to my previous selves."

Clara rolled her eyes. Though she had seen previous incarnations of the Doctor, actually being at her side through the process of regeneration was proving to be a revelation. Clara wondered if this was just a phase the Doctor was going through, she had said that she could be erratic for a short while afterwards.

"I'll go see what Strax has to say anyway." The Doctor informed her companion. "I'll talk to you and Jenny afterwards and let you know what's going on."

The Doctor went to table seven and stood close by Strax's side. Getting a close look at the Sontaran she saw Strax had put some loose clothes on over his battle armour and was wearing an eyepatch and had a lopsided moustache glued on his upper lip. Strax leaned conspiratorially closer to the Doctor and briefly lifted his eyepatch.

"It is I, Strax." He hissed loudly.

"Yes I know it's you Strax." The Doctor said with amusement. "How many other Sontarans are likely to be coming in here?"

"We have made contact with Captain Avery." Strax informed the Doctor. "His men are known here and are unwelcome. Because the scum that run this club do not know me I have volunteered to perform the mission of contacting you."

"If they don't know you, why are you wearing a disguise?" The Doctor asked.

"Ahh, yes. In hindsight I can see my subterfuge was unnecessary." The Sontaran admitted.

"The Doctor noticed that one of Mister Ripper's thugs was looking their way. The henchman's eyes narrowed with suspicion at the Doctor and Strax.

"We're being watched Strax." The Doctor whispered softly. "He's probably wondering why it's taking so long to take an order for just one person. You'll have to grope me to explain why I'm taking so long."

"Grope you, whatever for?" Strax demanded. "How does this facilitate obtaining a beverage?"

"It doesn't, but it is expected from the customers in this place." The Doctor said softly. "If I'm pleasing a customer then they'll lose interest."

"Very well, but I cannot see what enjoyment there could be in such activity." Strax conceded gruffly.

The Sontaran put his hand up the Doctor's skirt and frowning in concentration attempted to imitate the behaviour he had observed in seedy nineteenth century London taverns. The Doctor gasped as she felt Strax's fingers make a beeline for her thong and pull it aside. A moment later she felt his stubby fingers stroke her between the legs and she stifled a squeal at the unfamiliar sensation.

"What big fingers you have Strax." The Doctor gasped.

"You are in danger." Strax informed the Doctor. "It seems that females who take employment here are abducted and sold. Captain Avery has informed us that the next transport spaceship will be due here tomorrow."

"We cannot leave the club, ooooh, these chokers are some sort of control device. Oh my!" The Doctor told Strax, her words coming out in breathless gasps as the Sontaran's fingers tickled her newly acquired vaginal lips. "I can, aaah yes just like that Strax, remove them with the sonic but it's locked up in a backroom. A little harder please."

"Avery and his men will attempt to assault this establishment in three hours time." Strax declared, rubbing his stubby fingertips along the Doctor's sexual crease with more force. "Vastra and I will infiltrate beforehand and use the confusion of the attack to secure your sonic device and release you and the others. Am I doing this correctly Doctor, you seem most distracted?"

The Doctor was breathing heavily and wriggling her hips. She bit her lip to prevent herself from crying out loudly and tried with difficulty to focus on the Sontaran's voice. The thug who was watching the Doctor and Strax saw her movements and expression and laughed, his suspicious look changing to one of leering enjoyment.

"I'll let Jenny and Clara, ooooh yes, know." The Doctor's words came out as a low moan as she felt a tremble in her loins. "We'll be ready to, oh goodness yes, act when you do."

"Is this normal Doctor, you seem to be leaking moisture?" Strax inquired curiously. "Very well I will have a glass of water and then return to Vastra and the crew of the Fancy and inform them that the plan should proceed."

"I think that's normal, oooh aaah so close, soon as I get time I'll read a manual." The Doctor's voice was rising and falling in both volume and pitch as she gyrated her hips against Strax's thick finger. "Trouble is, I tend to just jump straight in without reading the instructions."

Abruptly the Doctor let out a sobbing squeal and sprawling forward clutched at the table for support. Her hips bucked against the Sontaran's hand. For several seconds the Timelady was gasping for breath before she pulled herself together and stood up, primly rearranging her skirt. With her face glowing red she walked unsteadily away from Strax's table towards the bar where Clara and Jenny were waiting for her.

"This body rocks!" The Doctor declared to her two companions with her face flushed and her bosom still heaving in her tight corset.


	14. Chapter 14

"Call yourself a Timelady Doctor ma'am? No sort of lady carried on like that in public in my time." Jenny admonished the Doctor. "And with Strax of all people."

"That was just wrong on so many levels." Clara had to agree.

"I'm sure my hormones will settle down once the regeneration energy has dissipated." The Doctor gasped, looking hot and flustered.

"I certainly hope so." Clara said. "We'll take forever to track down Gallifrey if you're running around like an alleycat in heat the whole time."

"Did Strax say if he can remove these bloody necklaces?" Jenny asked. "It might be only a couple of days we have to work here, but I've had more than enough already."

"Ahh yes, about that." The Doctor said, regaining her composure a little. "It seems your suspicions about Mister Ripper were justified. It appears he has a trade in slavegirls as his main income and he probably intends to ship us out tomorrow."

"Could this job get any better?" Clara asked rhetorically. "Get groped by vicious alien criminals for a couple of days and then get crated up and sold to god knows who. So much for your charming and well dressed shark boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend, I just pointed out...Oh never mind." The Doctor began to protest, but trailed off. "Strax and Vastra have got in touch with Captain Avery and his crew and they'll be here soon."

"What's the plan?" Jenny asked.

"Once the diversion begins Vastra and Strax will meet us in the backroom." The Doctor explained. "We get the sonic back, remove these collars and slip away quietly in the confusion."

"That sounds simple enough." Clara admitted. "However, slipping away quietly never seems to work out where you are involved Doctor."

"Cross my hearts, I just want to get away with no fuss." The Doctor insisted, motioning with her finger over her chest. "No explosions and running down burning corridors involved here at all."

"Are you certain that device will work Strax?" Madame Vastra asked dubiously, peering at the Sontaran's work.

"Obviously the Sontaran issue devices were far superior and more compact." Strax replied. "But this should function adequately for the short period of time we need to ensure a tactical advantage."

The Sontaran's device was mashed together from electronic components he had scavenged from spares on Captain Avery's ship and a couple of bits and pieces from his pulse rifle and other equipment. Wires and circuitry and a couple of flashing lights protruded from the badly botched together housing. The whole device was approximately the size of a housebrick.

"The duration of the power source is questionable." Vastra pointed out. "It was designed to power a handheld beard trimming device, not a multiband beam dampening field."

"I have no personal knowledge of beard trimming." The completely hairless Strax admitted. "But I have amplified the output as much as I felt was acceptable."

"You say this little box of wires and lights will stop Ripper's crew from using their fancy laser guns?" Captain Avery said. "If that's the case, then my crew can take those lily livered swabs easily if it's down to cutlasses and fisticuffs."

"We have the greatest confidence in your crew if the superior weapons of Mister Ripper's henchmen are disabled." Madame Vastra assured the pirate. "Remember though you are merely the diversion so that Strax and I can free our friends. None of you should risk your lives unnecessarily."

"Aye, we know our part." Avery agreed. "We just keep those bilge rats busy for a couple of minutes or so until you're clear of the tavern. We'll haul sail and pull back to the Fancy as soon as you're out."

"The TARDIS is only a short distance from the Wet Clam." Vastra said. "Once aboard the Doctor can materialise aboard your vessel now that she knows the exact location."

"She? Aye, right enough." Avery swept off his tricorn hat and scratched his head. "Still seems hard to get my head around calling the Doctor she. I suppose it will be easier once I see the wench for myself, if all goes to plan that is."

"Well I can definitely say that once you see the Doctor's new form you'll be in little doubt to her femininity." Vastra said smiling. "The latest regeneration has produced a most pleasing appearance. If I was not married and faithful to my Jenny the Doctor would be a most acceptable companion, for a mammal that is."

"Far too much fur for my liking." Strax disagreed gruffly. "I cannot understand this human obsession with covering their bodies with the stuff. It takes so much effort to keep properly groomed and they moult all over the upholstered furniture and carpeting."

"It's generally referred to as hair Strax." Vastra corrected the Sontaran. "And while I may have none myself I must confess that it very pleasant to touch and stroke Jenny's hair."

"By my chronometer I would judge that the designated time has arrived to redeploy our forces to the forward marshalling area." Strax growled loudly, knowing how confused he got once the conversation strayed into the area of Vastra and Jenny's relationship and prudently changing the subject.

"We do what now?" Avery asked, looking confused.

"He means it is time to head towards the Wet Clam and attempt the rescue." Vastra explained.


End file.
